rural qld mum of 3's current dark tunnel
Posted by beck from QLD on 06/01/2013
My third baby boy is 10 weeks old. I was always scared of having a third child as after my mother did she got postnatal depression which then became manic depression and has lead onto more mental health issues. I love my mum dearly but I do not want to be like her and I wonder if I am being more aware of my feelings because of my fear. I am a strong and determined young woman and the idea of anybody thinking less of me makes me not want to tell anyone how I am feeling. But I honestly feel as though everything is crashing down around me. I have been fortunate enough to have my parents living in the same town as me for the past 12 months and now due to retrenchments they have to leave. I live in quite a small town so employment opportunities are not plentiful. So they will be moving 300km away. I do not have friends as such here. There is noone that I can really be myself with and trust. Trust is the biggest issue I suppose. I feel betrayed by everyone. The reasons behind my parents leaving disgust me as it is all based on lies. I love my husband dearly, but he is truly a man that belongs in the 50's. Feelings and talking are definately not his forte. And the same goes again, I do not want him to know that I am not strong. I love my children to death and would do anything for them, but everything is getting me down. I have noone, I live for a phone call from a friend. But don't feel any better for talking to them. Everything about the situations I am in makes me feel horrible. My son will be 11 weeks old before he can have a 6 week health check. Now doesn't that make sense. So why would I bother trying to get into the dr here? It's always a rush job as there is only a clinic once a week and to go to Mt Isa hospital? 300km with 3 kids to see a dr? Not going to happen. So I guess what I am trying to say is it is hard for me to see a light at the end of this long, dark, lie filled tunnel in rural queensland.