I had my first baby 12 weeks ago. For as long as I can remember I have longed to have children and so my husband and I were thrilled when I got pregnant. I had a great pregnancy and even the birth of my son went fairly well, I love him to bits!

One thing I didn't plan for was a terrible 12 weeks of trying to feed my son with sore nipples and pain every time. I kept persevering but when I developed mastitis on Christmas Eve I knew I needed to see someone for help. After another couple of weeks we finally had our son diagnosed with a posterior tongue tie and he had it snipped. By this stage he was 8 weeks old and whilst I didn't want anything to be wrong with him, I was desperate for something that could be fixed to make feeding him comfortable and normal. Needless to say I had a lot of hope in this fixing the problem but after another 2 weeks and still pain when I fed him, I paid a lactation consultant to see us and it was decided his tongue tie needed to be cut further.

Today he has had this procedure done 3 times and I have vowed not to put him through it again as he gets terribly upset and I can't bear to see him like that again. I am still not able to feed him without it hurting and feel like I have reached breaking point. I cry a lot and feel like I dread every time I need to feed him. I struggle to get motivation to do any housework and I know I am not eating well. My husband has been very supportive but I feel like the situation is hopeless, I have tried so much and Breastfeeding still hurts, and he keeps refusing to drink from a bottle. Sometimes I give up trying to get a better latch and just zone out even though it hurts, and sometimes I just can't take it anymore and stop him feeding even though I'm sure he'd like more. The only upside is that he is thriving despite of all this.

I am thankful every time he smiles at me but I feel like I am less interested in interacting with him over the last couple of weeks and this upsets me more.